Avoiding Dangerous Liaisons

March 21, 2018Uncategorized

Ladies, you all know the fairytale classic: Beautiful Princess meets Prince Charming, they get married, and live happily ever after. Sadly, many of you know also, from personal experience or hearsay, of situations where a girl starts living the fairytale, only to discover after the first kiss (or much later in the relationship) that Mr. Charming is, in fact, a horrible frog. Ouch!

Prevention is always better than cure, and our aim is more about helping you get rid of Mr. Wrong than finding Mr. Right. This short article will provide teenage girls and adult women with a basic understanding of the dangerous behaviors and pre‐incident indicators that less savory men display during the various dating phases.

In Salvos Modum’s women self defense seminars, we teach that most violence can be avoided and escaped if detected. The key word here is “detect”, so how does one keep bad guys away? Simple: Understand what they look for, how they operate, what they avoid, and use that information to your advantage.

Women in general are attracted to men who display confidence, humor, healthy aggressiveness, a fun personality, and interest in some type of sexy danger, be it sports, martial arts, skydiving, etc. These people make relationships fun and couple life worth living. The problem arises when a woman meets a “Bad Boy”, as these men have similar traits to the ones listed earlier, along with some not‐so‐attractive features such as self destructive habits, substance abuse, extreme selfishness, short fused, general criminal behavior amongst others that makes dating them unhealthy and hazardous.

We strongly recommend avoiding relationships with men exhibiting the following personality traits:

  • Selfish: He doesn’t care about anything or anyone but himself. Not fun for you.
  • Has an oversized ego or the Napoleon complex: He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and that you are lucky to be with him. He doesn’t consider you as an equal, therefore will treat you like dirt and cheat on you. Dump him.
  • Controlling personality: He is the dictator of his own little world and wants you to be a citizen there. Decline nationality fast.
  • Insecure: He doesn’t believe in his own worth, which makes him prone to violence to keep what he assumes is “his”. Often bundled up with jealousy or nagging. Pass.
  • Nagging: He’s a killjoy and will manipulate you to feel better about being a loser. Wish him luck with someone else.
  • Jealous: He is possessed by the Green Beast. Run away. Jealousy is a symptom of insecurity, and while not contagious, both diseases will mess up your life.
  • Stingy: He will make you pay for the cab you both took to go to your place (cars are so expensive these days!). Thank you Mr. Scrooge, that was a lovely evening, you’ll understand why I don’t invite you in for a cup of coffee. Have a good life.
  • Abusive: He will use violence, be it physical, emotional, psychological, and behavioral to keep you under his control. VERY bad.
  • Paranoid: He thinks you’re an Alien Mastermind here to take his brain and dissect it. Run away before he gets to his improvised laser rifle and blows up his house with you in it.
  • Emotionally unstable: Do I really need to explain why it’s a bad idea?
  • Overtly religious: Will treat you badly and use his belief system to justify it and convince you that “it’s meant to be because {XYZ BS reason}”. Like most nutcases out there, this guy has an imaginary friend. Only problem is that his goddy‐buddy wants you subjugated, dead, or both, for some very valid spiritual reason. What are you still doing here?
  • Hates women: He is a bully who is pissed at womenfolk for real or alleged wrongs experienced in his past. Violence, very probably sexual, will be used against you and others. Very Very bad.
  • Overtly attached to mother: You will never be as good as mommy. Not a problem, like Oedipus, he can marry her and enjoy his incestuous relationship without you.
  • Substance abuser: He will mess up his physical and mental health, and hurt you emotionally or physically and blame the alcohol/ drugs/ catnip. Say goodbye in Russian and escape while he tries to learn the language.
  • Compulsive liar: He isn’t a Vice President at J.P Morgan, the yacht he said he owns belongs to a Saudi Prince, and the diamond necklace he bought you is fake. Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men? The Shadow knows, but you may not want to know more about that specific man. Break the relationship before his piling‐up lies break your heart.
  • Criminal element: If the guy you’re interested in or are currently dating is a con artist, a kidnapper, a drug dealer, member of a biker gang, a gang banger, a pimp, or any related jobs, you’ re going to be in trouble now and later. Just say “no thank you”.

Please remember that this list is not exhaustive, and that this is just the tip of the iceberg. We go in much more details in our classes and seminars, where you learn the emotional, behavioral, psychological, and physical skills needed to survive violence.